If you are worried that you will lose yourself when you stop fasting, restricting, binging and purging, please know that you won’t.
Those qualities that make you really good at being anorexic or bulimic or eating disorder otherwise unspecified will also make you really good at being a strong, healthy, and successful person.
The dedication, determination, laser sharp focus, fight, drive, and grit that you are using to stay in the place that you’re in are exactly what will get you free.
When you decide that enough is enough and that your way of living, or not living, is just not working for you anymore you will use those amazing traits to find yourself a new path.
Your path into health is yours. Do it your way. Your path may include treatment centers, traditional therapy, or medication. It may not.
I was the perfect patient many times. While I gained the weight I was asked to, I found that neither health nor happiness came with the new pounds.
Eventually, I decided living a life that felt like mine was more important that succeeding at being anorexic or at recovery. I decided to do it my way and see what would happen.
I tried many paths and made many choices. Some led me towards health and some led me far in the other direction. After awhile I found my way.
I dove into live music, practicing yoga, deepening my understanding of various spiritual methods, meeting people, and having fun. I realized that I could love my body and myself – even as I was still trying to like they way I looked and figure out who I was. That realization, which just happened one day while walking downtown, blew my mind and heart wide open.
I hope that you can begin to love yourself now. You don’t have to like how you look or who know who you are. You can start with love. The rest will come.
I hope that you can hear that. Even if love sounds impossible or undesirable to you please keep it in the back of your mind. You may find it helpful someday.
Perhaps your path will include traditional methods of treatment – take what works for you and leave the rest. Perhaps your path will include alternative therapies – take what works for you and leave the rest.
Listen to your heart. Turn up the volume if you can’t hear it.
Wishing you an amazing life,
Katie Ashley
*Written as a guest blog for Yoganonymous
*Photo credit Katie Ashley