Commitment Without Clinging.

I am perpetually trying to get rid of 99% of the things in my house. It’s my never ending war on clutter. Why? Because I can’t focus when stuff is everywhere. I get super overwhelmed and don’t know where to begin, so I just shut down and let the laundry mountain grow and the paperwork pile overflow.

 

I’ve never been great at putting away folded laundry, but now that I have two other people in my family (and all of their stuff) the clutter has more than tripled and it’s paralyzing power over me has dramatically increased.

 

I want to let go of “stuff” but I rarely seem to succeed in any lasting outwardly noticeable way.

 

So where is the line between acceptance and complacency?

 

Aparigraha, greedlessness/non-grasping/non-clinging/non-possessiveness, is the fifth of the yamas.

 

To practice aparigraha is to look for the opportunities to let go in our lives.

 

Perhaps it’s letting go of physical things and perhaps it’s letting go of old habits, thought patterns, unhealthy beliefs, or unhelpful ways of being.

 

We will get into this concept and practice a bit more when we talk about the fourth niyama, svadhyaya, the personal observance of study of Self.

 

Remembering that aparigraha is a yama means that it is to be practiced in relation to others.

 

Just as asteya, non-stealing, has many layers so too does aparigraha. In my experience the two practices seem to overlap and weave in and out of each other greatly.

 

How often do we cling to other people?

 

What’s the difference in valuing a person or relationship and clinging to it?

 

How do we actually practice grateful non-attachment?

 

These are big questions and truly we each have to answer them for ourselves.

 

For me, I know that I want my partner to love me and want to be with me, to choose so himself daily. I want my son to love me deeply and to know that he is an independent person.

I want my friends to value our relationships. I want my teachers to know that I am grateful for the teachings that they’ve shared with me and for their support.

 

I want those that I love to know that I love them and feel like I add to their lives by being present in them.

 

I want them to stay in my life.

 

I do not want anyone to feel trapped by me or stuck with me. I don’t want anyone to feel like I am taking away pieces of their happiness.

 

The stickiness appears here. We are not responsible for anyone else’s feelings.

 

What we are responsible for is our side of the relationship — our feelings, thoughts, words, and actions — and the mutual care of the entity that is the relationship itself.  

 

When we practice aparigraha we continually try to let go of our human tendencies to cling.

 

We practice finding the sweet spot of commitment and appreciation beyond attachment and recognize the difference between nonattachment and detachment.

 

We practice love without possessiveness and commitment without caging in.

 

Now, I want to hear from you?

 

How has clinginess, greed, or possessiveness shown up in your life?

 

How can you practice aparigraha more deeply now?

 

Please leave a comment below and let me know.

 

I love reading your comments and offering any thoughts or resources that I have share that may be of service to your unique situation and experience. Help me help you more.

 

Much love,

 

Katie

 

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