That dreaded feeling recently came back.

**This is a super personal story, but I am sharing it with you, because I often get comments and questions from students and readers who are struggling with a tendency to get caught in a downward spiral when triggered by uncomfortable feelings.. After the story I share my path back to peace of mind.**

In our practice of yoga and meditation we practice experiencing our feelings without judgement, attachment, or the added drama of adding a story to what we are feeling. 

When we are sitting silently in meditation and we find ourselves mentally wandering to our to-do list, we can simply silently state “planning” and go back to focusing on our breath or mantra. When we find ourselves stressing out about a recent disagreement, we can silently label our experience “worrying” or “regret” or “anger” or whatever we recognize the feeling as.

Over time, we may notice that certain feelings come up again and again and that sometimes those feelings send us into a spiral of uncomfortable feelings that trigger an old mental story to start playing like a broken record. 

I recently found myself experiencing a few of my most triggering feelings and witnessed the old record player yearning to turn on….

I was on the phone signing up for new car insurance when it happened. My new financial planner, Michael, had found a deal for me and I was really excited to be taking care of the paper work and payments in a timely manner.

Before I tell you what happened next here is a bit of back story: I’ve been placing a large focus on healing my mindset around money and my financial reality this year.

As a result I have been taking many inspired and helpful actions. I’ve been meeting regularly with Michael. I set up a few new accounts to help me manage both my personal and business finances. I’ve attended meetings and presentations to learn more about personal and business financial best practices. I consolidated my student loan debt and have been getting better at communicating clearly and asking for help when I see a sticky situation approaching – rather than waiting until I am in an emergency situation.

I’ve been really proud of myself, even though the positive change in my financial stability has been occurring at a sleepy snails pace.

So, back to the phone call: When I picked up the phone I was under the impression that all of the fact checking had been done a few weeks ago and that all I had left to do was pay the first monthly payment. Apparently not, the man on the other end of the line informed me that there was an issue with my drivers license that needed to be cleared up first, apparently I had an unresolved ticket from last December.

Not only would that make my rate go up slightly, but I also would have to take care of the ticket before moving forward. As it’s been many months, the fees have likely been mounting.

For a second I was extremely confused and then I remembered that I had been pulled over for expired tags last year. It had been a very strange morning. When I was pulled over I was en route to my son’s school for the second time that day because we had left his lunchbox behind on the first trip. Of course I couldn’t find my insurance card – so I left with two tickets, both of which the officer promised to throw out if I got new tags and found my card.

Right away I took care of the expired tags, found my insurance card, confirmed that the property tax office and the DMV had my current address and put the court date for the ticket on my calendar. Somehow, I missed the court date and completely forgot about it, as I had already taken care of the tags and the insurance card.

It only took an instant, upon hearing the news from the insurance man and remembering my mistake, for my body to flood with the very familiar feelings of fear, annoyance and disappointment with myself, lack, and panic. 

Right away I adjusted my schedule so that I could go to the DMV as early as possible on Monday. By the time this blog goes out the whole situation will be taken care of but it will have taken a huge toll on my finances and thus cause a significant delay in a few professional projects that I have been working very hard to save money for and my personal finances will likely be back in the dreaded emergency status.

So, how did I stop the spiral of uncomfortable feelings and turn off the broken record? 

1. Greet the feelings for what they are instead of attaching a huge story to them.

The feelings are valid, and it’s important to feel them, but it is equally important to stay present and avoid going into a spiral of shame, disappointment, or lack. Doing so is self sabotage and leads nowhere good.

2. Take care of what can be taken care of and have faith, clear intentions, and a wise plan about the rest. 

As the serenity prayers goes…”God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Focusing on beating myself up about my mistake is pointless and dwelling on how sad I am about how this mix up will result in my book publication and podcast launch being delayed does not change the reality.

3. Remember that this one mistake doesn’t erase all of the great actions taken before this.

Slip ups and curve balls will happen. Sometimes the back slide in progress will be my fault and sometimes it will be because of circumstances beyond my control. Either way I can choose to celebrate the progress made and continue moving forward.

4. Ask for help and accept it. 

Be it physical, financial, or emotional help, it can only come if I am open to receiving it. Sometimes it takes some effort to let go of the story around needing help, but it always results in learning and growing in some way.

5. Do all possible to clear up the mistake and set the course to avoid it happening again. 

In this instance I will pay the fees and set new savings goals. I’ll talk to everyone that will be affected by this shift in my finances and do what I can to minimize the spread of negative ramifications. I’ll ask for help and set “paperwork dates” with myself so that I have specific time set aside to double check that all of my ducks are in a row – thus avoiding mistakes like traffic tickets slipping through the cracks.

6. Take responsibility and connect with my self with understanding, forgiveness, and compassion.

My self worth and love does not change as a result of the change in my net worth. My self worth and love does not change if I make a mistake or if I have huge success.

Our self worth and love must be cultivated and nurtured within. 

Now, I want to hear from you.

Have you struggled with spiraling feelings and an old broken record in your mind? If so, what practices have you put into place to shift your perception and response?

I would love to get a great conversation about this topic going on the blog, please leave your answers in the comments section below. 

As always, thank you for reading, please share with friend.

Also, here are a few other related blogs you may be interested in:

Holy Sh*t…Again!?!?

Money and Food…Financial Anorexia

Much love,

Katie

www.katieashley.org