Do you crave sugar, sex, Netflix binges, coffee, or alcohol?
I do and I’m willing to bet that you do too. Perhaps your specific cravings are different, but its not a stretch to assume that you have some.
We all do and many of us spend a great deal of time, energy, and money trying to manage or eliminate them. Then we attach a huge amount of our self worth to our success at doing so. If we fail, we fall into a spiral of guilt, shame, and self loathing.
Until we decide to stop the cycle. Not with a magic pill, diet, mirror message affirmation or expensive program, but with one simple guiding light practice that we can do anywhere, anytime, completely for free.
Brahmacharya is the fourth of the five yamas in the practice of Raja yoga. It translates to “walking in God-consciousnes.”
It is the practice of balancing the senses and finding the middle path to liberate ourselves from craving and dependency.
Discussions of brahmacharya often lean towards talking about the preservation of vital energy through abstaining ourselves from the misuse of sex.
This may sound simple but improper use of sexual energy can be really subtle. Sometimes we may not even know that we are doing it until way after the fact when we start taking inventory of our lives through the lens of bramacharya.
Are we using sex to gain control or power? Perhaps having sex often, being seen as attractive, or “getting the guy” is our source of positive self-esteem or even a key part of our self image.
This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t have sex, want to feel attractive or want to be in a sexual relationship, it’s to say that we must be mindful of our intentions and actions.
Bramacharya is the practice of finding the middle path in our sensory experiences. When we withhold sense pleasure too much we suffer. When we indulge sense pleasures too much we suffer.
It seems that most of us feel like we should always be on the “in control” side of the middle path, never swaying over to the other side.
Our self-esteem takes a nose dive if we eat too much sugar or fat or carbs or whatever food item we have decided to demonize. We condemn ourselves if we watch too many episodes of our favorite show on Netflix or don’t achieve our productivity goals in work or school.
To judge ourselves and beat ourselves up about shifting to the more indulgent side of center is hurtful and pointless.
We are human and the sway is a normal part of the human experience.
As yogis we practice bringing awareness to our thoughts, words, and actions. When we notice that we are swaying too far into the indulgent side we bring ourselves back to center. When we notice that we are restricting too much we bring ourselves back to center. We skip the self loathing and sob story creating and get back to living.
Eventually the sway gets less and less and we stay close to center more.
How do we begin to sway less? We practice.
We practice mindfulness. We become aware of our thoughts and intentions and how they drive our actions. We become aware of patterns and triggers and move from our normal reactive state into a more responsive one.
Helping my students to step into this practice of swaying less and staying toward center more is one of my favorite pieces of my work.
It is always amazing to witness my students journeys as they access their innate power and start to liberate themselves from a reliance on external sources of pleasure and validation and tune into their inner joy.
A few of my favorite ways to amp up our access to our inner joy and innate power are:
- Meditation
- Journaling
- Mindful conversation
- Mindful movement
- Taking in nurturing information via books, podcasts, and movies.
Now, I want to hear from you.
What do you feel like and what do you do when you sway off center – either to the too indulgent side or the too restrictive side?
What tool are you most excited to start using to help yourself sway less?
Leave a comment below and let me know. I’ll respond back with any ideas I have for your specific experience.
Much love,
Katie
Comments
I have so many thoughts surrounding this topic. I find that I still give way too much of my energy on talking down to myself on days that I feel I am not as productive as I would like. In addition, I often am not able to celebrate the moments of success and instead dwell far too much on not being “enough” or doing “enough”. I am practicing mindfulness and it is indeed a practice. I am meditating more and find that it helps to slow me down on the days the anxiety seems more prevalent. To be mindful in all ways is what I am striving for each day. However, that being said, I am also learning to give myself some breaks sometimes. Perfectionism is something I have always struggled with and it is a major release to finally begin to let go of it.
Thank you for sharing April! I think that many people consider productivity to be a key part of their personal value. You are surely not alone in that. Perhaps journal about and meditate on:
What does “enough” mean to me?
How would I feel if I did enough?
How would I feel if I was enough?
What would be in or out of my life if I was enough?
Getting really clear on the bigger why behind our drive to do, do do, can be super helpful. Getting clear on what “enough” means to us is essential. If we don’t know what feelings we are trying to experience in our lives it’s really hard to cultivate them.
I love that you’re meditating! Meditation is a great way to practice mindfulness. You may notice that it is hard to focus on the experience of breathing, and a mantra, and an intention all at the same time. Why? Because being mindful of all of those things at once, for most of us, just causes more mental clutter and activity. I suggest, and have been taught this way myself, to start with one. Be mindful of just the sensation of breathing, or just the mantra, or just the intention…whatever the “thing” is that you’re “doing” in your meditation.
Apply the same principal off the meditation cushion. Instead of trying to be mindful in all ways choose one thing to focus on for awhile. Maybe it’s noticing the thoughts that come up when you’re feeling the need to “do all the things.” Maybe it’s noticing ways to be more present in what you are already doing when you’re doing it. Figure out the practice that works for you.
Also, it’s not likely that we can go from normal human existence to saintly or monk-like levels of mindfulness overnight. I’ve had the blessing of meeting many spiritual teachers who many would call “advanced yogis” and they absolutely are not perfect and are still practicing.