So you say your want a revolution, well you know…

To get free, you have to let go.

Each night during my initial yoga teacher training we practiced the same chant:

“Make me and instrument for Thy Will,
Not mine but Thine be done
Free me from anger, jealousy and fear,
fill my heart with joy and compassion”

Each night I cringed as the “not mine but Thine” line crossed my lips. 

Perhaps the issue was how closely those words echoed the phrasing of the Catholic prayers I grew up with and how uninterested I was in anything that felt like dogma.

More than that though, was the fact that I liked my plan. I wanted to work toward my goals and realize the grand vision that I had for my life.

I didn’t want to let go of my plan and turn my future over to God or anyone else. 

That sounds incredibly pompous, arrogant and misguided, but I imagine that I’m not alone in feeling that way.

So I chanted the mantra but kept the condition of “only if Thy will is pretty much aligned with my will” in my mind.

And, as time passed, I succeeded…a little, and I failed….a lot.

I spent years working toward making my plan a reality and progress was crazy slow and hard won. Just about every time success was near a major obstacle would come up and block the path.

Finally, exhausted and feeling defeated, I let go.

You know what?

Letting go didn’t feel like surrendering, it felt like freedom. 

I don’t have to do it alone or make anything happen. All I have to do is take one step at time in an inspired and intentional way and let go of the outcome.

Yes, let go of the outcome.

To be free we must let go of our attachments to the fruits of our practice, efforts, daily actions and grand gestures.

Again, and again, and again.

Pema Chodron writes, “the journey to enlightenment involves shedding, not collecting. It’s a continual process of opening and surrender, like taking off layer after layer of clothes, until we’re completely naked with nothing to hide. But we can’t just pretend, making a big display of disrobing, then putting everything back on when no one’s looking. Our surrender has to be genuine.”

Ah, that last part – our surrender has to be genuine. 

That’s what was behind my resistance to opening up my heart, mind and life to “Thy will be done.” I could chant it, but it wasn’t genuine and I felt it.

I’d be lying if I said that I’m an expert at having faith in Divine timing and practicing, praying, and taking inspired action without attachment to the result, but I am trying and I understand much more clearly the reason why and how it feels to let go.

I’ve made progress on this path and I’m happy to share my stories.

What I’ve learned is that often the outcome of my practice and efforts exceed my previous vision in many beautiful and unexpected ways.

Not always, sometimes the results are awful and disappointing and leave me thinking “WTF” and wishing that my will could be done instead of Thine.

Even in those uncomfortable times though, I usually find myself left with some type of new opportunity, understanding or awareness.

A revolution is “a sudden, extreme, or complete change in the way people live, work, etc.” according to Merriam-Webster.

If our goal in our yoga practice is enlightenment, liberation, we must practice in a way that is a personal revolution – in our thinking and way of being. 

And you know what The Beatles say about that…”

“You’d better free your mind instead…don’t you know it’s gonna be alright…”

Now, I’d love to hear from you.

What do the concepts of freedom and surrender bring up in you? 

Leave a comment below and let me know. 

I’d love to get a great conversation going here, maybe it can start with you.

As always, thank you for reading. If you liked this essay, please share it.

Much love,

Katie